Life As We Know It...

um. yes. ok

2005-09-24T22:02:06Z

I don't know who i am anymore.
do you?
I'm blatently not the same person you first talked to all that time ago. I'm not the same person who was permanently in tears. who hated herself and who was some kind of manic annorexic. I'm not that person and i know i'm not. she's still inside me. and she comes out sometimes. and you usually have to deal with that. but i'm doing ok now. I don't take pills in the wrong quanitity,. i don't drink myself stupid for the purpose of causing myself harm.
I left college a different person to the one who started. I'm not the happiest of people. infact i'm insecure. i don't like myself most of the time. but i'm ok with who i've become. and i don't care if that's an "emofag" or whatever. I've found something in "emo" music that i can relate to. maybe it's because i've had the shittest year of my life. maybe it's because i've experienced the death of the closest person to me. maybe it's because i've fallen in love and lost him. or maybe it's because i've just hit some kind of deep weird level in my life right now.
I've lost some close friends. but i've gotten so much closer to others. like joe. a year ago me and joe spoke occasionally. went out together because we had friends in common. now. i trust him with my life. i feel like i can tell him stuff. and i like to think he could like vice verse type thing. i wouldn't care if no-one came out with us cause we have such a laugh together. and i think if i hadn't changed it wouldnt be that way. i wouldn't have him as such a good friend.
I've become stronger as a person. it doest feel that way, but when i look at what i've dealt with recently, i'm proud that i didnt fall back into my old ways. i havent stopped eating for weeks. i haven't drank myself stupid whilst on meds. and i haven't stuck a blade into my skin. and i'm so proud. i've never been so proud. i don't care anymore that my parents are more interested in my sister. i dont care that we dont see eye to eye, and that they don't understand me. and i'm not saying that to shrug it off. i truly feel that way. we've come to accept that we're different. and i can deal with that. I'm happy as who i am. people may not like me anymore because of the change. but i like me more. and that's got to count for something right?

oh and. i know this doesnt apply to you.
but.
so fucking what if i wear black nail varnish. and black make up.
and converse. and a studded belt. and tops with oh-so-emo pictures.
fuck you whores

spangley @ 2005-09-04T19:36:00

2005-09-04T18:47:58Z

New poem peeps. What do we think?

And it'll be like before.
You'll have that look on your face.
We'll sit in your car to stay out of the cold,
Drawing hearts on steamed up windows.
And we'll lay on your bed and talk for hours
About the lipstick mark I made on your ceiling
So you'd know how I felt
We'll sit on the bench where we first met
When you thought I was stuck up
And I thought you were mad.
And we'll hide in the corn field to get away from the world
Maybe put up a tent
And stay there all night.
We'll tell each other stories that don't even make sense
And you'll go over the top,
Just to make me laugh.
And we'll watch our favourite movie
-the one that makes me cry.
Just so you can hold me.
Wrapped in my duvet eating Haagen Dazs with plastic spoons.
We'll turn up the radio and I'll sing whilst you dance
Like nobody's listening and no-one can see.
And I'll play your guitar
And you'll try to stop me for doing it wrong
But it won't be the same this time
As it was before.
Because you won't want it as much.
And I won't love you.
I won't care.

stolen from holly's myspace.

2005-08-19T18:16:45Z

1: Piercings? Only mon tragus. you all know the answer to this and the epic piercing and healing stories. I don't think my body was meant to have holes in. it doesnt seem to like it much when i do it.

2: Tattoos? not as yet....

3: Height? 5'6 ish actually i think thats a lie, but we'll go with it. okay?

4: Shoe size? 6 and a half bitch.

5: Hair color? right now its a purpley ish colour

6: Siblings? ratgirl/chavgirl/gertrude/cousin it. whatever.

FAVOURITE...

1: Food? pasta. but left over take away is ~~yummy~~scrummy

2: Thing to do? Get drunked and sing really loudly. Normally i love you BABY

3: Thing to talk about? erm. i dunno. anything and everything. mostly how phitt whatsit looked in thingy last night

4: Sports? I am unfamiliar with this word.

5: Drinks? vodka and coke. for.always.

6: Clothes? jeeeeeans and H&M tops. and converse ofcourse

7: Holiday? I don't like holidays. I have to spend time with the relatives. criiinge

HAVE YOU...

1: Ever cried over a girl? yes. bitches. spit.

2: Ever cried over a boy? aha well all know the answer to that one *loser*

3: Ever lied to someone? not a full blown 'you're not my mother' 'yes i am' type lie no. I lie to the parentals all the time. fuck they'd follow me otherwise. 'yes mother, i'm going to the library'

4: Ever been in a fist fight? woo yah i kick ass.

5: Ever been arrested? nope. come close. but I'm a sweet talker. shagging a police man helped too. ooer

NUMBER...

1: of times I have been in love? well. I'd say once, but I'm not sure that's what it was anymore.

2: of times I have had my heart broken? A few large scratches but only one break.

3: of hearts I have broken? hopefully none. Although it would be nice to have been liked enough to break a heart.

4: of girls I have kissed? a few. so what i drink too much.

5: of boys I have kissed? aha. I'm a hobag we all know that.

6: of drugs taken illegally? err not sure......

7: of friends I would classify as true? Can we include dead people?

8: of people I consider my enemies? Kirsty bitchface Matlock. the fucking whore.

9: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? ~~a few~~ twice. i checked.

10: of scars on my body? lots. some I'm proud of, some of which i'm not so proud of.

11: of past regrets? I don't regret anything. What's the fucking point.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...

1: pretty/handsome? aha who are you kidding. I own a mirror you know.

2: funny? in the head yah

3: hot? as shit. ahem no.

4: friendly? I'd like to pretend i am

5: amusing? the laughing AT not WITH sort.

6: ugly? probably

7: caring? err dunno. maybe a little on a good day

8: sweet? *snigger* i'm salty. lick me. you'll see.

9: dorky? I own the word dork.

DESCRIBE YOUR...

1: Wallet? dotteeeeee. but i usually just use my back pocket. incase you wanna mug me.

2: Hairbrush? i never use it. i guess you can tell. i have a comb bitches.

3. toothbrush? i have 3. *nodd*

4: Jewellery worn daily? i wear the same ring 24/7 it only comes off in water. and then my black beads just about everyday. and a hair bobble on my wrist. it's a permanent fixture like.

5: Pillow cover? white with a red heart on. and considerable amounts of purpley hair dye.

6: Blanket? as in duvet? white with lotsa red hearts

7: Sunglasses? i don't gots none. but i stole so emooooo glasses innit.

8: Underwear? today? greenandpink.

9: CD in stereo right now? um. the used i think. noo it's my song and dance music haa. come on babe why don't we paint the town? and all that jazz

10: Car? 306. not that i can drive it.

11: Workout? well um. i guess dancing counts right?

12: What you are wearing now? converse, jeans, itchy [but smexi] jumper [putting a hoody on instead i think]

14: Next concert? who knooows. I'm too poor dude. gimme money bitches

15: Wishing? for..something. you cant tell wishes they wont come true. so there

16: After this? maybe dinner. but i'm not hungry. probably watch a movie. i wanna go out but my friends suck. maybe I'll go be a loser down the half pipe? errrrrrrr or not. please detect the sarcasm.

17: Person you wish you could see right now? well there's the obvious one. [Paddy for the morons among us] and claire. somuch to tell her. the rain prevented us talking last night.

18: Is next to you right now? um no one *loner* my mommy's the nearest to me.

19: Your Mood? STILL hungover. how fucking much did i drink?

20: The last thing you ate? oh god knows. chinese yesterday i think. no. crisps today. i sound well healthy.

21: Something that you are deathly afraid of? high ceilings and looking up at the sky, although i'm over coming the sky part. And one of my panic attacks getting so bad i can't breathe at all.

22: Do you like candles? erm they're ok. nice question. you know fuckloads about me now.

23: Do you like the taste of blood? yes. i drink it regularly. weirdos.

24: Do you believe in love? perhaps. although I've questioned it's true existence recently

25: Do you believe in soul mates? i used to. i used to believe in fate and all that. but I've decided i need answers.

26: Do you believe in Heaven? I wouldn't say i did. but then. I'd like to believe that paddy is in heaven. so maybe i do. who knows.

27: Do you believe in God? I dunno. sure I'm a christian and that.[so obviously i do?] and I do believe God exists. I blame him for a lot of shit. aka almost everything that has happened in the last 12 months to make me such a messed up loser. which is weird because i also believe that we determine our own fate now. Plus all the science malarky is pretty damn convincing. They thought up a damn good story if it's a lie.

28: What do you want done with your body when you die? I want to be fed to wolves. please.

29: If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be? I'd rather not have one if thats ok with you. And anyone who wants my dawg can have the beast.

30: What colour are the walls in your room? um. i havent seen my walls in years. erm purple. underneath the pictures and shit. from my *shudders* girly phase.

31: Can you eat with chopsticks? I can eat some stuff with them. but I'm weird and think that people eating with chopsticks is hot not hot. whats the word. fecking ~~knicker-wettingly~~ hot. yess.

32: What's your favourite coin? erm. a pound dude. it can buy you a shot *nodd*

33: What are some of your favourite sweets? starburrrrrrrrrrst. the sour ones.

34: What's something that you wish people would understand? I don't care that you are hotter/cooler/crazier/funkier/better than me. Jaysus. I'd be trying to be you if i did.

35: What's something you wish you could understand better? boys' brains. answers on a postcard for that one kids. and whilt your at it...explain their egotistical behaviour too please.

LAST PERSON WHO....

1: Slept in your bed? me as far as I'm aware. but other than me, Dan. because he makes me sleep on my sofa.

2: Saw you cry? Claire, yesterday.

3: Made you cry? The bitches who gave me shit grades. And paddy not being here to tell me I'm thick and stupid and a moron.

4: Spent the night at your house? Dan. was it. yes probably. because he practically lives at my house. can't he go invade his fucking boyfriends house?

5: You shared a drink with? Jennifer last night i thiiink. yes. because it was way strong and i made her try it. or Sham or any person in fan club. i don't remember. although since then it's been dan. we got wankered in my bedroom and he put my clothes on. fecking loser.

6: You went to the movies with? oh dear. Dan I think. there's a pattern emerging.

7: You went to the mall with? Claire <3 we bought trousers, CDs [actually we just took the piss out of each other's taste in CDs because we all know Claire's a westlife loser]

8: Yelled at you? err...coulda been anyone. i yell a lot. particularly whilst drunk.
-------------------------------------------------
Seven things in your room:
1. bed
2. puter
3. DVDs
4. shooooooooes
5. ~~too many~~ hair products
6. half a bottle of vodka <3
7. a whole lot of crap.

Do You:
Smoke? nope
Do drugs? nope. imagine that there was once a huge long answer here about crappy shit. because there was. but it made no sense.
Read the newspaper? aha. my starsign...
Have a Job? I have two. motherfuckers.
Attend Church? not if i can help it.

Have you ever:
Been in love? hmm not so sure anymore.
Gone skinny dipping? nope. been swimming in underwear....
swam in the dark? yeah haha
Been to a Bonfire? yes
Ran away from home? yes. didnt work did it.
Played strip poker? yes. I suck at poker. i always end up nekkid [or barely dressed anyway]. TIP. don't play it during school hours in the common room of your catholic school.
Gotten beaten up? yep
Beaten someone up? hell yes. *kicks arse*
Been on stage? yes-dancing
Been outdoors? what? of course!
Pulled an all nighter? yes i love it.
Been on radio/tv? err maybe
Been in a movie? no :(
Been in a mosh-pit? yep died. every time. aha. and the time matt broke a rib. ok so it'd funny now wasnt whilst we were being stamped on.
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN [translated as Dan] and his bit of stuff of course.
Drink coffee? not coffee...but addicted to iced mochas from cafe nero. so yes i do drink it dont i.
In the last 24 Hours have you...
Cried? yep. a level ness
Bought something? trouserrrrrs
Gotten sick? yes. alcohol induced. SCORE.
Sang? yep a la fanclub.
Been kissed? haha yes.
Felt stupid? yes big stylee.
Talked to an ex? nope. he tried to talk to me but i'm being strong. ha that sounds dumb.
Missed someone? paddy :( it's gay that he didn't get to get to a-levelness. fucking fucker fuck
Hugged someone? lotsa people. cry when you get exam results. its hug city. if ms fones comes near you....RUN.
Sex with someone? no. which may shock some of you.

spangley @ 2005-08-07T22:12:00

2005-08-07T21:38:10Z

Had an amazing day today, love it when it's just me and dan being stupid buggers. So yah I woke up this morning with a huge puffy eye, cause i spent half the night trying to get something scratchy out of it [it didnt work] I got well worked up over it, had a minor panic attack, and so had to get my mum up before I fell into some sort of coma....no it wasn't that bad, but there was no way I could sleep in that condition. So anyway. Back to today. I got up and had a nice long bath, and then a shower to wash mon hair. We actually have TRESemme again...so no more pantene-induced red skin. SCORE. My mum doesnt seem to believe that it is infact pantene that brings me out in a rash. tsk.
So yes. Dan came over and insulted my morning routine. And then I made him use the massagey machine on my legs muscles cause I was in loads of pain after dancing on friday. And then he put the facial attatchment on and played with it for ages whilst I put my face on [as my grandma would say] and we messed around in my room taking the piss out of how white I am and how un-white he is. And then we got bored. so we started watching a cinderella story...but got bored. So dan persuaded me to go to the pub [he promised me a drink]. Funny how things turn out...he didnt buy me one single drink. Apparently he has no money. I just gave him twenty fucking quid for the perfume I made him get me in duty free. sponger. Aaaaand then we went home. And we ate he dinner my mum made us. it was yummy. even though Dan doesnt like cheese sauce. we ate it all up like good children. and then we went to make fun of the chavs. and then we went home. to ou own houses. fin.

ooer and i'm taking my mum's credit card shoppin in meadow hall tomorrow. well more like my debit card. which wont get me very far. We have to go buy her something for ze wedding. and me a top for it. but i'm hoping for a whole outfit because i don't like the skirt. hence the reason i have never warn it. Plus i want to wear jeans. and converse. else i won't be comfy.
anywhore

spangley @ 2005-08-06T14:56:00

2005-08-06T13:57:09Z

English Genius
You scored 92% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 86% Advanced, and 86% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 38% on Beginner

You scored higher than 63% on Intermediate

You scored higher than 26% on Advanced

You scored higher than 85% on Expert

Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid

how in hell did i do better at intermediate than beginner? but woo get me

spangley @ 2005-08-04T19:11:00

2005-08-04T18:19:01Z

Not really an update just
They're gonna be fuck off huge cause I can't be bothered to resize them.
*work in progress*

Aaaaand its finished

And I added a labelled version just so you can *really* get to grips with it

And here's ze label I'm putting on the back

And then just because

And this is one of the things i managed to steal the other wekk in fan club

[please note. I am getting her other things as well. I'm not a loser present giver]
of what I've been doing for the past however many days :)

Stealed from emma.

2005-07-17T12:24:08Z

Your full name: Sarah. Thats it. no more names.
Height: 5'6"
Natural hair colour: well, when i was lickle it was black, but its kinda light browny now.
Eye colour: Blue
Number of siblings: uno
Glasses/contacts?: neither wooo.
Piercings: tragus.
Tattoos: None.yet.
Braces?: Not anu more mother fucker.
First Line of your address?: 2 Hungarton Drive.

FAVOURITE...
Colour: PinkandBlack
Band: The Mascara Story
Song: oh dear me I don't know. I quite like Yellowcard, Ocean Avenue.
Stuffed animal: KERMIT!
TV show: Life As We Know It [even though it isnt on anymore]
Movie: 10 things i hate about you, donnie darko, pearl harbor
Book: Anything by Melvin Burgess
Food: Pasta
CD cover: Hmmm. Dunno, but i like the cover to the subways rock and roll queen single.
Flower: white roses
Scent: Diesel plus plus
Animal: None.
Comic book: errr
Cereal: no thank you
Website: oh i dunno. myspace for 1 reason. :)
Cartoon: daria

DO YOU...
Play an instrument?: No
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?: Nope
Like to sing?: yes. but not in singing lessons
Have a job?: yes, two jobs
Have a cell phone?: Yes.
Like to play sports?: ew. no.
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: No :( but me one.
Have a crush on someone?: eeeee yes
Live somewhere NOT in the united states?: Yep.
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?: err no
Have any special talents/skills?: Nope. oh. i'm a dancer :)
Exercise daily?: dancing
Like school?: no. end of.

CAN YOU...
Sing the alphabet backwards? oo i used to be able to. in my youth.
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?: Yes. i'm a dancer
Speak any other languages?: french
Go a day without food?: yup
Stay up for more than 24 hours?: Yep. its fun
Read music, not just tabs?: yah, have to in singing
Roll your tongue?: yup
Eat a whole pizza?: ew no

HAVE YOU EVER...
Snuck out of the house?: yes.
Cried to get out of trouble?: Yup
Gotten lost in your city?: yes last week. but i'd never been in that part before. it was council estateness.
Seen a shooting star?: no
Been to any other countries?: yes
Had a serious surgery?: not serious serious. but i've had surgery
Stolen something important to someone else?: No
Solved a rubiks cube?: no. almost did it
Gone out in public in your pajamas?: Yep.
Cried over a girl?: Yeah, over my friends
Cried over a boy?: yah
Kissed a random stranger?: yup
Hugged a random stranger?: Yes.
Been in a fist fight?: yes
Been arrested?: Nope
Done drugs?: Not hardcore drugs
Had alcohol?: Yes
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?: ....no
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?: yes :)
Gone to school only to find you had the day off because of a holiday/etc?: yes.
Swore at your parents?: yah. and i get bollocked.
Kicked a guy where it hurts?: Not purposely
Been in love?: yes
Been close to love?: well er yes
Been to a casino?: yes
Ran over an animal and killed it?: No. damn
Broken a bone?: yup
Gotten stitches?: yup on my eyelid :/ and of course after my operation. (in my mouth) oh and 2 in my finger
Had a waterballoon fight in winter?: No. a snowball fight though...
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour?: bleugh. hate milk
Made homemade muffins?: yup
Bitten someone? err my sister prolly
Been to disneyland/disneyworld?: Disneyland France. was crap
More than 5 times? No.
Been to niagara falls?: No.
Burped in someones face?: no

PICK ONE...
Fruit/vegetables: Fruit
Black/white: Black
Lights on/lights off :Lights off
TV/movie: Movie
Car/truck: Car.
Body spray/lotion: Body Spray
Cash/check: Cash
Pillows/blankets:Blankets
Headache/stomach ache: Headache
Paint/charcoal: Paint
Chinese food/mexican food: Chinese
Summer/winter: Winter
Snow/rain: rain
Fog/misty: Fog
Rock/rap: Rock
Meat/vegetarian: Meat
Chocolate/vanilla: Vanilla.
Sprinkles/icing: sprinkles
Cake/pie: Cake
French toast/french fries: French fries
Strawberries/blueberries: Strawberries
Ocean/swimming pool: pool
Cookies/muffins: Cookies
Wallet/pocket: pocket
Window/door: Window
Pink/purple: pink
Cat/dog: Neither.
Long sleeve/short sleeve: Short sleeve
Pants/shorts: pants
Winter break/spring break: Winter break.
Spring/autumn: Autumn
Clouds/clear sky: either, i cant look up.
Moon/mars: Moon

I....
am: me
want: a drink
need: a wee
crave: apple juice
love: stars and hearts
hate: 1 person
feel: dead
miss: paddy
am annoyed by: kirsty matlock
would rather: have gone out on friday night
am tired of: being tired
will always: be me

SILLY STUFF:
What is your favourite genre of music? i'm an emo kid
What time is it now?: 13.16
What day is it?: Sunday
Whens the last time you called someone?: this morning
How much money do you have right now?: about £60 at home (house keeping from ze mother)
Are you hungry?: no
Whatcha doin?: this.
Do you like parades?: nah
Do you like the moon?: never look at it
What are you going to do when youre done with this?: fuck all
If you could have any magical power what would it be?: to make wishes come true.
Have you ever had a picnic?: Yep.
Are you wearing any socks right now?: nope

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
funny?: No
pretty?: NO.
sarcastic?: kinda
lazy?: Yes.
hyper?: yessss
friendly?: um yah
evil?: a little
smart?: enough
strong?: No
talented?: Nope.
dorky?: hahaha. i do science

WOULD YOU EVER...
Sky dive?: no.
Play strip poker?: Haha i did. at school. and got seriously told off
Run away?: I have
Curse at a teacher?: i have
Not take a shower for a week?: no
Ask someone out?: only if i knew they'd say yes
Lie to someone to make them think better of you?: No
Visit a foreign country for more than a month?: yah
Go scuba diving?: no
Write a book?: no
Become a rockstar?: hhaaha ok
Have casual sex?: erm. ok

LAST QUESTIONS (FINALLY!!!!!!!)
What shampoo do you use?: tresemme
Whens the last time you did something sexual with the opposite sex?: what kinda sexual?
What kind of computer do you have?: rm *looks* hp
Do you like to throw popcorn at people in the movies?: haha so immature. yes.
Or just make out?: depends.....
How many posters do you have in your room?: quite a lot
How many cds do you have?: Not enough
What time is it now?: 13.23

spangley @ 2005-07-16T01:06:00

2005-07-16T00:06:36Z

Awwww isnt it priddy [yes]

2005-07-06T17:49:40Z


spangley is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

spangley @ 2005-07-04T23:05:00

2005-07-04T22:13:10Z

I played cutty up clothes!!!

I played with pink ribbon cause i was bored

And cut up my libs t-shirt!!!!!

spangley @ 2005-07-04T15:04:00

2005-07-04T14:05:08Z

I’ve been staring at your picture for an hour and a half
It’s giving away nothing
It won’t tell me what you’re thinking
It won’t tell me all your secrets
It won’t show me how you feel
I can’t look into your head through a picture
I can’t sort lies from truth
I can’t look into your eyes this way
And see truth, love or hate.
I’ll tell it how I’m feeling
How sorry I am for being me
That I’m sorry that I love you
That I’m scared to be alone
I can’t tell a picture I love you
-I can try but it’ll never work
the picture can’t believe me
and your mind disregards my face
I can’t look at you without feeling sick
With anger, hate and denial.
But I can stare into your picture
And pretend that I’m ok
But I’m not
The pain in my head makes my vision blurred
The pain in my heart makes me bleed
With the blade in my hand I lay there, trembling
As all memory of you flows out through my veins
But now you’ve gotten everywhere
You’ve seeped into my skin
You’re stained into the bed sheets
You won’t leave me alone.
Your face is everywhere I look now
And your voice, in all the walls.
My breath is short and shallow
And I’ve forgotten how to escape from you
I’m running but getting nowhere
Weakened by loss of blood
It’s as if I lost love through all the tears
And the pain is all that’s left
It’s eating away at my soul
It’s draining all emotion
And the only way for it to stop
Is to remove it from the source
With the blade still clenched in my fist
I carve my heart out myself.

I just realised that this is so totally emo. oh well.

2005-07-03T22:29:05Z

*Someone* made me wonder why I’m depressed a lot, and I could think of obvious reasons, but I couldn’t think why they got to me so much. So, I made a list, of all the things that are good or make me feel good, and all those that are bad or make me feel bad (in no order, just how I wrote them down)

Good
Kelly-she’s crazy and I love her to pieces. She’s my best friend ever and I trust her 100%. She’s the person I would want to give up a kidney for, or she’d be first to know if I married Frank Iero and stuff like that. We’re moving out together, well, she’s moving out and I’m renting a room in her flat whenever I’ll be back home.
Rach-me and Rach are always gonna be close. Since I met her I’ve never kept anything from her and vice versa. And if I don’t get to go dress shopping with her in 3 years when she buys her wedding dress there’ll be words. Plus her fiancé is cool.
The smell of Diesel Plus Plus.
I know that I have friends who will always be there.
Claire-God love her. I know that whatever I say, she will never hate me and never judge. She never has a bad word to say about anyone. And she’ll always be there whether I ask her to be or not. I owe it to Claire that I’m not dead.
Jana-me and Jana are a weird combination. The good weird. She is one of my closest friends ever. We are exactly, exactly alike (so really we should annoy the hell out of each other), and we know what the other is thinking. Yet she is four years younger than me.
Coca-cola, ice cold.
Freedom of speech.
Jennifer-I’ve known her forever and ever, yet we’ve never fallen out, in fact I don’t think we’ve ever argued. Plus she’s a loony.
Katie-I know that if she could, she’d do anything for me, and I’d do the same for her.
Poetry-not by poets, but by people.
Music to cry to.
Converse-they make me happy.
Sukainah-my cousin and God daughter, she’s the best thing in my life. She’s my baby, I love her to pieces.
Jamaal-my cousin, I’ve never seen a more beautiful 4-year old in my life.
My other close friends/friends-Valerie (love her), Suzie, Abi, Sophie, Tor, Daniel, Emily, Sam, Mel, Patrice, Martin, Joe, Teala, Sham <3, Nicole, Nick, Millie.
Dan-so gay, yet I love him so much. It’s uncontrollable, and he’s one of my best friends. Every girl deserves a gay best friend.
Mosh-I love it in there, especially on a Friday night.
Frank Iero (had to fit him in somewhere).
Music in general, except all the pop/urban shit.
Dancing, especially competitions. But not hurting myself. Because that hurts.
Online-y people-love talking to some of these crazy kids. Sophie, Ami, Jason, Lauryn, Kieran, EmoMarc, Katieginky.
Weed-yes I know it’s a bad habit, but it makes me happy when I’m not.
Renee-whatever shit went on with everyone and everything, she’s still my pretend mommy and she’s cool for that reason.
Paperchase-one fucking cool ass shop. I get all my notebooks from there.
Making lists. Like this. Because it makes me feel organised.
Patrick-at the minute obviously. Well not quite at the minute because he’s in Leeds.
Matt.

Bad.
Knowing I’m depressed.
Hormones.
Chemistry.n
Exams.
Failing exams.
Nick-the pervy chef at work. He scares me something rotten :/
Michael-for being such an ass to me, plus he got Nicole pregnant.
Insomnia.
Medication.
Kirsty Matlock-her whole purpose in life is to suck me in and make me think she’s vulnerable, or nice, or whatever, then bitch about me, or slag me off, or make me feel about two inches tall.
The head doctor. Who thinks I’m psycho.
Bitches-and there are a lot. Especially ones who seem to hate me.
My Nana dying-I know she was ill and in pain, so at least she’s in peace now, but it’s so damn unfair. She had cancer for 10 years, and out lived the time they gave her by 9 years. I miss her so much.
My Grandpa. I miss him. I just want to see him one last time so I could remember what he was like, instead of hearing about him. I was only three when he died, so I can’t remember him, and that’s what hurts.
My family-sometimes I just need a hug, but I can’t get that because they don’t feel close to me. They don’t understand me.
Not being who my family want me to be.
Missing people
Heartache.
The way I am. Who I am. What I am.
Anorexia-I hate it. It took over my whole life, and it’s taking over again.
Wanting to die.
Having to fill out health forms, and circling ‘yes’ under the ‘eating disorder’, ‘self-harm’ and ‘psychotherapy’ boxes.
I’ve never met one of my best and closest friends.
The part of Dan that hates the part of me that loves him.
The kiss.
My best friends will all be in Leicester next year, and I won’t be.
The way that sometimes I just can’t face days, so I don’t. And I take an extra sleeping pill so that I sleep through it.
Feeling inadequate.
Katie-she went from being someone I trusted to someone who makes me feel physically sick every time I see her.
Matt-no-one has ever hurt me like he has. And I’m still not over that.
Knowing that I seriously contemplated suicide.
Paddy-he’s gone forever. I wish he was here being stupid, I wish he was back. I wish for it every day. He’s my best friend. I can’t live without him. I hate what he went through. I hate that he stayed silent. I hate that he was alone in it all. I hate his dad

spangley @ 2005-07-03T22:52:00

2005-07-03T22:14:40Z

Blaah. Party at Val’s last night. It was cool. I guess it didn’t help that I can’t stand the majority of people in my year, and the ones I actually like didn’t go. So yes. I spent the whole night upstairs in various bedrooms. Claire and I shared one of the HUGE bottles of Lambrini before we went to Val’s. That’s was fun. Well it wasn’t because lambrini tastes like crap, however it’s cheap and gets one steaming. Oh and we downed four after shocks each. *wasters* We were so late getting to Val’s because I kept getting distracted and walking in the opposite direction to Claire (not advisable whilst walking through an area you are unfamiliar with). So yup. Did the usual drinking bout a full bottle of vodka during the night, a couple of cans of Stella (not too keen on the stuff) and a few shots of black vodka (absolutely FOUL, but a necessary experience). *misbehaved* a little bit, and in hindsight (oh what a great creation that was) it wasn’t such a good idea. For a number of reasons, one being Daniela. I rang a considerable amount of people too. My balance has gone from just under a tenner to £2. How?????? And yes I know that I rang Sophie and Lauryn and left very drunken messages on their voicemails. But in fairness, Sophie had it coming after deciding that I was well and truly EMO. She’s just jealous because I own more pairs of converse than she does. And mine have ribbon laces. And a FFAF pin. Ohyes. Oooh, and after everyone left, me and Val sat and ate mango chutney. That was hella fun. Until she flicked it across my jeans. Which I had to wear in the morning due to me having no clean clothes with me. Got a call from Claire who’d been in town and needed rescuing, so had one for the road (a large glass of Malibu, a couple of shots of black vodka, two snowballs and a round of swigswigpass) and left. For those unfamiliar with the rules of swigswigpass, I’ll write them up below. So anyways. It took Claire and myself roughly 50 minutes to walk the 15 minute journey to hers, by which time I was still wasted, but very cold. We got in about 5am (to quote Dan “fucking hardcore”) and I slept on the floor in Claire’s living room. There was a perfectly adequate sized sofa next to me…but I didn’t make it that far. Waking up at 8.30am was fun. Or not. I felt absolutely fine. Until I tried to walk t the bathroom and realised I was still wasted as fuck. Turned up at Val’s at about 11.30 to help clean up (seeing as I probably made the most mess out of everyone) only to find they’d done it. So we sat on the sofa eating toast and playing several rounds of swigswigpass. And now. I’m home.
In other news, Matt, Dan, Ashley and Nick had a guys’ night in last night. I can only imagine how that turned out. I received several phone calls from Dan all along the lines of ‘Sarah what would you do if I shagged Matt?’ Erm. Ok. Worry. A lot. Obviously I have to hold on the boy. We’re not together. It’d just be nice to know that the guy I’m in love with wasn’t shagging lads. Plus, Dan and Ashley are very much a loved up gayness couple right now, so that leads me to believe that possibly Dan AND Ashley wanted a piece of Matt. And then Nick would be left out, so it is possible that he would join in. Turning guys’ night in into gay foursome night. (Tickets £10 available from me).
I am going to see The Mascara Story. Because we all know that I stalk them. Well not quite but I frikkin love their music.
Aaaand I’ve written a large number of writings. I can’t really cal them poems because they suck. But I’ll type them up some time perhaps tomorrow as I have no life (we all know that’s not quite true. Don’t we.)
Repost for Sophie:

and i want this as a tattoo:

SwigSwigPass – Rules
1. Take a large bottle of a highly alcoholic substance (vodka is a good choice).
2. Sit everybody round in a large circle.
3. Choose one person to start.
4. The starter takes the bottle
5. Swig
6. Swig
7. Pass the bottle.
8. Continue until there is no alcohol left in the house, or until medical attention is required, whichever comes first.

spangley @ 2005-06-23T20:50:00

2005-06-23T20:04:02Z

As promised the ever so exciting bandagedness.

mon cutted up arm...all bandaged :(

broken-ness. look at the bruuuuise

third finger from left is just healing from breaky breaky, first is brooooken

And just to prove that I'm truely battered, my feeeet. yes, i know my feet are disgusting, but that's what you get from 6 years of wearing pointe shoes. Soo.. this is the bandage i wear pretty much all the time at dancing to prevent my toes from breaking again.

And this...is from the huge-ass open blister i have. NICE.

spangley @ 2005-06-22T11:21:00

2005-06-22T18:24:37Z

Well. Sarah is officially a walking bandage. I cut my arm quite deep on some glas today wooo. i had to go to hospical and get it x-rayed and looked at and bandaged. wooo i'm sooo clumsy. woo. and i took pictures...but i need to find the usb cable....

annd....

001. What is your name? Sarah
002. Spell your name backwards: Haras
003. Date of birth: 16th April
004. Male or female? Female
005. Astrological sign: Aries
006. Nicknames: Sar, Sarahbelle, Sarsh, Gayboy
007. Occupation? Student + waitress oh yeah oh yeah
008. Height: 5'6"
009. Weight: 8 and a bit.
010. Hair colour: Light brownish
011. Eye colour: Blue
012. Where were you born? Leicester General Hospical
013. Where do you reside now? Leicester. Damn that’s exciting.
014. Age: 18 nice and legal
015. Screen names: right now tis [Oh Yeah][Oh Yeah] and everything else is Sarahbelle.
016. E-mail addy: I have two. You know them.
017. What does your screen name stand for? It’s your eyes that make me smile oh yeah oh yeah.
018. What is your LJ name? Spangley
019. What does your Blurty name stand for? Erm. Yes.
020. Pets: No thank you. (ugh we inherited the dog. Tonka. After the toy company. Don’t ask. It’s a pedigree. We should sell it)
021. Number of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake? 2. The parents are too cheap for 18.
022. Piercings? Tragus. Did have mon ears, but they healed up.
023. Tattoos? Not as yet.
025. Righty or lefty? Righty.
026. Wearing: Jeans and a black vest top.
027. Hearing: The Subways.
028. Feeling: Hot.
029. Eating/drinking: an apple
~Love/Kissing/And Other Stuff~
061. Have you ever been in love? Yessum. Big mistake, Don’t make it.
062. How many people have you told "I love you"? One. Plus my friends.
063. How many people have you been in love with? One, and seriously considered another.
Where'd numbers 64 - 113 go?
114. Does someone in your family wear a toupee? Not that I know of.
115. Do you have any nieces or nephews? God I hope not. My sister is 14
116. Are your parents divorced? No. Should be
117. Do you have step parents? Nope
118. Has your family ever disowned another member of your family? My parents disown me on a regular basis.
119. If so for what? A great number of things, usually because I wear black make-up and dress ‘weird’.
120. Did some of your family come to America from another country? Er…no.
~Music Stuff~
121. What song do you swear was written about you or your life? There’s a song. But I’m not telling you.
122. What's the most embarrasing CD you own? Oh God. There’s a few.
123. What's the best CD you own? Um. At the minute FFAF.
124. What song do you absolutely hate? The stupid crazy frog.
125. Do you sing in the shower? Nope
126. What song reminds you of that special someone? Hands Down, dashboard confessional.
Favorites
152. Colour: Black and pink.
153. Food: Pasta and apples.
154. Song: Dunno. It changes. At the minute either Oh Yeah, or Rip it up.
155. Show: Life as we know it. Although watching Sugar Rush and The L Word with Sophie is pretty funny.
157. Band/singer: *siiigh* constantly changing. The subways at the minute.
158. Animal: Noooooo
161. Movie: 10 things I hate about you/pearl harbor
162. Pair of shoes: Converse.
164. Actor: Dunno. Jake Gyllenhaal
165. Actress: um. Drew barrymore
166. Potato chip: salt and vinegar
167. Drink: coke
168. Alcholic drink: vodka
169. Holiday: um. Canada, not that I’ve been.
170. Perfume/cologne: Diesel Plus Plus.
171. Pizza topping: um. Don’t really like pizza, but ham and pineapple.
172. Jelly flavour: pink flavour
173. Lunch meat: Nope thanks
174. Board game: they called them bored games for a reason.
175. Video game: I suck at them all. Erm. Pro evo, it’s the only one I can play.
176. Website: errrr. dunno
177. Book: anything by jane green, or harry potter.
178. Computer game: none.
179. Number: 4
180. Cereal: I don’t eat it
181. Comedian: Victoria wood
182. Dessert: I don’t really eat it…fruit?
183. Disney character: Belle…one of my nick names is that…well sarahbelle. And if you never understood the sarahbelle ness now you do.
184. Clothing store: Gladragz, it’s a vintage second hand shop.
185. Past time: Dancing.
186. Teacher: Erm. Miss Connolly
187. Childhood toy: Apparently it was a pink rabbit.
188. Carnival game/ride: Waltzers. Or anything that spins.
189. Candy bar: none. Do special k bars count?
190. Magazine: erm. NME, Kerrang, Rocksound.
191. Salad dressing: Salad creeeeeeam
192. Thing to do on the weekend: Work.
193. Hot drink: Tea with milk and one sugar.
194. Season: Autumn.
195. Sport to watch: Diving.
196. Person to talk to online: Erm. There’s a few. Depends on what I wanna talk about. To talk about everything and nothing, Jana, To be called a ho and discuss lesbians on tv, Sophie, To be happy/mad, Matt. Just loooooooads.
199. Do you have posters on your wall? Yes. My room is covered.
200. If so of what? Bands, alcohol…
201. Do you have a TV in your bedroom? Not anymore
202. How many pillows are on your bed? Two
207. Do you have your own phone line in your bedroom? No, I wish
208. Do you listen to music while trying to fall asleep? No, if I did, I’d listen to it all night.
209. Describe the last nightmare you had: Can’t remember
210. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? no
211. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? One, and that’s matt not me. I can’t sleep in my bed.
212. Do you sleep in any unusual positions? Yes. Very weird.
213. Do you have to share your bedroom with a sibling? Nope, never have done, except for a couple of months when my sister thought there were monsters in her room.
214. Do you snore? Nope
215. How about drool? Nope
216. Do you have an alarm clock in your room? Yes, four
217. What color is the carpet in your room? pinkness
218. What's under your bed? The usual
219. Beach/mountains: beach. I do not climb mountains.
220. Donuts/bagels: Bagels.
221. Day/night: Night.
222. Wicked witch of the east/wicked witch of the west: erm…
223. Heaven/hell: heaven
225. Coffee/tea: tea
228. Britney/Christina: mandy moore. Ok I’m joking
229. Swiss cheese/american cheese: French cheese
230. Real World/Road Rules: um…
231. Backstreet Boys/*Nsync: hanson
232. Silver/gold: silver
233. Nike/Adidas: neither
235. Sweet/sour: sweet.
236. Punk/emo: um emo.
238. Winter/summer: hate them both.
241. Read/watch TV: Both
242. CDs/tapes: CDs
243. DVDs/VHS: DVDs
244. Old/new: both
245. Shorts/skirts: skirts.
246. Pink/red: pink!!!
247. Coloured pictures/black and white photos: both
250. Commercials/infomercials: neither
251. Scary movies/comedies: both.
252. Bikinis/one piece bathing suits: bikinis
253. Sandals/tennis shoes: tennis shoes?
254. Dogs/cats: neither
255. Unicorns/fairies: fairies
256. Water/land: erm. both
257. Sugar/spice: sugar
258. Black/white: both please
259. Ribbons/bows: both
260. Chicken/beef: chicken
261. Coloured christmas lights/regular white christmas lights: white. They’re prettier.
262. Cars/trucks: car
264. Popcorn/pretzels: popcorn
265. Hip/hop: mmmBOP.
266. Passionate kiss/peck: both
267. WWE wrestling/real wrestling: neither.
268. Back rub/foot massage: back rub. Touch my feet and I’ll die
269. Picture frames/photo albums: both. I have too many of each
270. Pens/pencils: pens, but pencil to write poetry.
What Is Your Opinion Of The Following
271. Eminem: no comment
272. Virgins: Haven’t met boys yet. No, good on them.
273. God: has his reasons
274. The Osbournes: are messed up.
275. Reality TV: ew
276. J.Lo: whore
278. Emo music: <3
279. Valentine's Day: Too commercialised.
280. Christina Aguilera's comeback: gooooawaaaaay
282. Abortion: I do biology. If you knew what went on you wouldn’t have one, plus my catholic education screams no.
284. Murder: is wrong…duh. Thou shalt not kill.
285. Death: is not the beginning of the end.
289. Pornography: is for people with too much time on their hands.
290. Fortune tellers: I don’t know. I believe in fate, but I don’t believe people can predict it.
293. Politics: no thank a ma you.
294. Country music: ew
296. Cloning: not really for it, but it can help…ethics hurts my head.
What You Think Of When You Hear These Common Names?
299. Jack: The lad
300. Tiffany: jewellery
301. Ben: awww ben, THE most talented musician I have ever heard.
302. Maria: green day
303. Jennifer: my bestest school friend
304. Nicole: is 4 months pregnant
305. Amy: LIDL!!!!
310. Tom: dan’s ex.
314. John: lennon
315. Joel: foal
323. Natalie: jen’s sister
324. Christy: Chrissie.
Have You Ever...
331. Mooned anyone? Don’t think so
332. Been on a diet? Erm…
333. Been to a foreign country? Yes. lots
334. Broken a bone? Yes. Have 2 broken fingers right now
335. Swallowed a tooth/cap/filling? Swallowed a tooth before
336. Swear at a teacher? When do I not swear at teachers?
338. Got in a fight? Yup. Oopsy….or not.
339. Dated a teacher? Erm…ew
340. Laughed so hard you peed your pants? Hahahahahahahhaa no
341. Thought about killing your enemy? There’s only one person in this world I wish was dead, but I couldn’t bring myself to kill him.
342. Gone skinny dipping? No
344. Told a little white lie? Yep
345. Told a secret you swore not to tell? nope
346. Stolen anything? Yes
347. Misused a swear word and it sounded absolutely stupid? Hahhahaha yes all the time.
348. Been on TV? yup
349. Been on the radio? yessum
350. Been in a mosh pit? Yes and broke a toe
351. Been to a concert? Errr. Yes.
353. Loved someone so much it makes you cry? Yup
355. Broken the law? Hah yes.
356. Been to a rodeo? Erm no
357. Been on a talk show? ...no
358. Been on a game show? no
359. Been on an airplane? yes
360. Got to ride on a firetruck? Gone in a firetruck
361. Came close to dying? Yup. When I was a baby
364. Terrorized a babysitter? Haha yes. She never came back
365. Made a mud pie? Probably when I was little
366. Had a dream that your falling off a cliff? No, off a boat
367. Snuck out of the house at night? Yup.
368. Been so drunk you don't remember your name? probably.
370. Felt like you didn't belong? Yes. You’ve met my family right?
371. Felt like the 3rd wheel? Yup.
372. Smoked? yup
373. Done drugs? Only weed, I’m a good girl.
374. Been arrested? almost
375. Had your tonsils removed? Nope
376. Gone to camp? Err no
377. Won a bet? Yup
378. Written a love letter? Yessum.
379. Gone out of your way to be with the one you love? Yes. Mistake.
380. Written a love poem? Yup too many.
386. Asked a friend for relationship advice? Hell yes.
389. Gotten a speeding ticket? no
390. Done jail time? Nope.
391. Had to wear a uniform to work? Yes.
392. Won a trophy? Yup quite a few
393. Thrown up in public? Hahah too many times
395. Failed/got held back? yup
396. Got perfect attendance in grade school? Yup once. Dunno how
397. Roasted pumpkin seeds? Nope.
398. Taken ballet lessons? Yessum. I’m a dancer duuuh
399. Attempted suicide? No, but contemplated it
400. Cut yourself? A little
again, what happened to numbers 401 - 424?
425. Do you believe in aliens? Not really. But only because I’m in denial, ET scared the shit out of me.
426. Name three things that are next to your computer: cd case, printer, pen
427. Do you have any hidden talents? Maybe, it wouldn’t be hidden if I told you
428. Do you wish MTV would play music videos? MTV 2….and it does.
429. If you were to star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be? One where I get to shag frank iero.
430. What would your movie star name be? Um. Mrs frank iero?
431. Do you play any sports? Hahahahahhaha don’t make me laugh.
432. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen? Um. Dunno.
433. What is the best movie you've seen in the theater or rented recently? Last time I went to the cinema was to see house of wax, it was ok.
435. Do you drive? Kinda 436. What is your dream car? Anything really
437. Do you think your good looking? nope
438. Do others think you are good looking? nope
439. Would you ever sky dive? nope
440. Do you believe in Bigfoot? Erm…no
441. How many rooms do you have in your house? Erm…ten
442. Are you afraid of roller coasters? Yes.
443. Do you believe in God? Yes.
445. Do you believe there is a heaven? yes
446. Do you believe there is a hell? yes
447. Do you own a pooltable? no
448. Do you have a pool? Nope but someone about *counts* 12 doors away does.
449. Do you have a dishwasher in your kitchen? yep
450. Do you like chocolate? nope
451. Who/what is on your 2005 calendar? I have 2…the calling and jonny wilkinson
452. How many U.S. states have you been to? none
453. Ever wished on a shooting star? I’ve never seen one, but if I did, I’d wish on it.
454. Best Halloween costume you ever wore? Erm. Can’t remember
455. Do you carry any weapons on you? Err…no
456. What is your weakness? matt
457. Name something you can't get enough of: frank iero. Patrick :P
459. How many kids do you want to have? However many happens
460. Future sons/ daughters name: erm….harley.
462. What is your ideal way to die? I already answered this before, shaggin frank iero
463. How do you release stress? I go to the head doctor and he tells me I’m a psycho then go scream and cry.
464. Are you a trendy person? I don’t own anything that is in fashion.
465. Are you an artisitic person? Definitely not
466. Are you a realistic person? yes
467. Do you un-tie your shoes every time you take them off? No, which annoys me coz I have to un tie them to put them on. Well only converse, I don’t tie any others up.
468. Are you a strong person? Definitely not
469. Are you a strong willed person? yes.
470. Who is the last person to e-mail you? Jason
471. Who is the last person to IM you? Patrick
472. Do you hate chain e-mails? Yes. With a passion
473. Are you a deep sleeper? Yes. Very.
474. Are you a good story teller? No I suck, because I get sidetracked and ramble
475. What do you believe is your best quality? Erm. I listen well.
476. What is your greatest accomplishment? Getting so far in the All Englands
477. Do you like to burn candles or incense? candles
478. Do you do yoga? Nope
479. Do you have your own credit card? Nope, debit card
480. Let's say you win the lotto....? yes please.
481. Do you have a check book? Nope
482. Do you like your driver? School bus driver? No. I like one of the public bus drivers he’s cool.
483. Do you tan easily? I burn.
484. What color is your hair naturally? Light brown
485. How many fillings do you have? none
486. How many cavities did you have at your last dentist visit? none
487. Worst feeling in the world? When your best friend kills himself. Or…when your boyfriend sleeps with a whore
488. Best feeling in the world? Erm. hahahhahaha
489. Is the glass half empty or half full? Totally empty. I just finished drinking
490. Last thing you downloaded? Cant remember
491. Do you catch yourself using online terms in your real life? Nope. Hardly ever use them online.
492. What do you think people think of you? That’s I’m weird. And a ho
493. Are you a likeable person? Dunno.
494. Do you need therapy? …I’m in therapy
495. Do you take medication for a chemical imbalance? Er what?
496. What the best way to be proposed to? By frank iero.
497, 498? 499. When are you moving? To Canada? After uni.
500. Are you happy this is over? Ecstatic.

Yes. I have no life.

Guess What.

2005-06-21T20:56:54Z

Remeber how I broke my finger two weeks ago at work?

I broke another one at dancing oh yeah oh yeah (why do i keep saying that?)
It's fucking kills and i now have to type one handed. plus i fell off matt's skateboard earlier. he don't skate anymore, after he it err...13. and i didn't realise it was broken. and OWWWW i have THEE biggest grazed elbow ever.
Plus I have new underwear from la senza oh yeah oh...shut up.

I stole this again. Because I'm a whore. Oh yeah, Oh yeah.

2005-06-21T16:04:16Z

Plus I'm bored so I'm gonna answer it.

1. Tell me something obvious about yourself.
I'm the best person you will ever meet. and modest.
2. Tell me something about yourself that I don't know.
Me and Kelly had a competition once, of how many guys we could kiss in one club. I won. ohyes.
3. What is your biggest fear?
Fear
4. Do you normally take the safe route or the shortcut?
the shortcut. duuuh. why walk 2 miles when you can walk one? actually why walk at all? get the frikkin bus.
5. What is the one thing you want the most that you can't buy with money?
frank iero. no **** no wait. i dont knoooow.
6. What is your most treasured possession?
My cd collection, possibly.
7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do the most often?
Fall for stupid stupid cheating matt.
8. Tell me something about you sexually that I don't know.
Errr. hmm. I did baaaad things with someone in the toilets of a club.
9. Tell me something about you sexually that everybody knows.
I'm not a virgin?
10. What is your favorite lie to tell?
I have no middle name.
11. Name something you have done once that you can't wait to do again.
Patrick
12. Are you the jealous type?
Well I got pretty jealous when Matt was shagging whatsherface.
13. What is the 1 person, place or thing that you can never say no to?
Matt.
14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
erm. i dunno. people are bitches to me. er. bought me gig tickets.
15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be?
shag frank iero
16. When was the last time you cried?
Today.
17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered?
haha now that would be telling. friday night.
18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on?
err no. plus i might get arrested for indecent exposure.
19. Name something embarrassing you did while drunk/high/whatever.
insert my answer
20. If you post this in your journal, do you want me to answer it?
Errr...

spangley @ 2005-06-20T13:52:00

2005-06-20T12:52:18Z

Stolen from Zoe

2005-06-20T10:41:53Z

-----------------DESCRIBE------------------
[x] The shoes you wore today: Haven't put any shoes on yet.
[x] Your eyes: blue
[x] Your fears: high ceilings, insanity

-----------------WHAT IS------------------
[x] Your most overused phrase on aim: mhm
[x] Your thoughts first waking up: shit, it's hot
[x] The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: hair (shallow) and eyes
[x] Your best physical feature: errrrr...?
[x] Your bedtime: whenever.
[x] Your most missed memory: Paddy

-----------------YOU PREFER------------------
[x] Pepsi or Coke: coke
[x] McDonald's or Burger King: neither, but if i had to pick, mcdonalds
[x] Single or group dates: single dates
[x] Adidas or Nike: neither. do i look like a chav?
[x] Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla.
[x] Cappuccino or coffee: neither. ick.

-----------------DO YOU------------------
[x] Smoke: not often
[x] Curse: errr. I am the author of 'how to use 'fuck' in any situation'
[x] Take a shower everyday: yup
[x] Have any crushes?: um....
[x] Who are they: They know who they are
[x] Do you think you've been in love?: yup. and it hurts.
[x] Want to go to college: i just finished college :)
[x] Like high school: I didn't mind high school...it was ages ago though. (high school's year 7-9 right?)
[x] Want to get married: maybe, i definately want the party and the dress and everything.
[x] Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: like touch-type? yes.
[x] Believe in yourself: what's there to believe in?
[x] Get motion sickness: yes, the worst.
[x] Think you're a health freak: well i try to eat healthily
[x] Get along with your parents: rarely
[x] Like thunderstorms: most of the time.

------------IN THE PAST MONTH DID / HAVE YOU--------------
[x] Gone to the mall: yes
[x] Eaten sushi: ew no
[x] Been on stage: yep
[x] Been dumped: nope
[x] Gone skating: er no
[x] Made homemade cookies: nope
[x] Dyed your hair: yup
[x] Stolen anything: yup, a letter

-----------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------
[x] Flown on a plane: Yes
[x] Missed school because it was raining?: yup, i couldn't be bothered to go, or something
[x] Told a guy/girl that you liked them?: err yes.
[x] Cried during a Movie?: yup
[x] Ever thought an animated character was hot?: err no
[x] Had an imaginary friend: when i was little. oh and frank (roxy made him jump of a 4 storey bus)
[x] Cut your hair?: yup
[x] Had crush on a teacher?: ew no
[x] Been called a tease: a ho, yes
[x] Gotten beaten up?: yup
[x] Been in a fight: haha hell yes
[x] Shoplifted: yup

-----------------THE FUTURE------------------
[x] Age you hope to be married: when it happens. I'm not gonna be like ooo, i'm 27, i need to get married.
[x] Numbers of Children: err
[x] Descibe your Dream Wedding: dunno, but i worked a wedding reception on saturday and it was beautiful. i just want a purty dress.
[x] How do you want to die?: shagging frank iero.
[x] What do you want to be when you grow up? happy? a nurse.
[x] What country would you most like to visit?: Canada

-----------------OPPOSITE SEX------------------
[x] Best eye color: does it matter?
[x] Best hair color: any, but black hair is hot.
[x] Short or long hair: whatever, but i prefer longer
[x] Best height: what? taller than me.
[x] Best weight: doesnt matter
[x] Best first date location: anywhere. only not a football match
[x] Best first kiss location: does it really matter?

-----------------NUMBER OF-----------------
[x] Number of Boyfriends/Girlfriends: since when? a few
[x] Number of drugs taken illegally: I'm good. just weed. occasionally.
[x] Number of people I could trust with my life: a couple
[x] Number of CDs that I own: lots :)
[x] Number of piercings: one, and two healed ones
[x] Number of tattoos: None, yet
[x] Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: three times i think
[x] Number of scars on my body: a lot.
[x] Number of things in my past that I regret: more than i should regret.

----------------FAVORITES------------------
[x] Shampoo: tresemme
[x] Fav Color(s): black and pink
[x] Day/Night: night
[x] Summer/Winter: autumn
[x] Lace or Satin: lace
[x] Fave Cartoon: daria
[x] Fave Food: pasta
[x] Fave Movies: 10 things i hate about you, pearl harbor, err...some more
[x] Fave sport: does dancing count?

----------------RIGHT NOW------------------
[x] Right Now Wearing: pyjamas :P
[x] Drinking: mango juice
[x] Thinking about: biology
[x] Listening to: the mascara story
---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------
[x] Cried: surprisingly no
[x] Worn jeans: not surprisingly yes
[x] Met someone new online: no
[x] Done laundry: yup
[x] Drove a car: nope

---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN--------------
[x] Yourself: no, didn't i already get asked this?
[x] Your friends: of course
[x] Santa Claus: no
[x] Tooth Fairy: yes
[x] Destiny/Fate: yes
[x] Angels: yes
[x] Ghosts: yes
[x] UFO's: no
[x] God: yes

------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------
[x] Do you ever wish you had another name?: ohyes
[x] Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: no, but um. shhh.
[x] Do you like anyone?: yes :)
[x] Which one of your friends acts the most like you?: well Jana practically is me, but me and kelly are both crazy. and me and rachel like the same everything.
[x] Are you close to any family member?: not really
[x] What's the best feeling in the world?: err...haha
[x] Worst Feeling?: heart ache
[x] What time is it now?: 11.41am

spangley @ 2005-06-19T22:47:00

2005-06-19T21:48:53Z

This is something someone I know has on their web page. I don't know if she wrote it, or it was written by someone else, but I know it's how she's feeling. And I just want to huggle her.

Who the fuck do you think you're kidding? You're pulling me down, you're never around. I wish I could show you I know how you feel, but the truth is...I probably don't. So this is my ignorance, this is your cue. If you don't want to know me, you've got nothing to lose. But all I ever did was love you...and I loved you so much that you don't want to know me. And I'm dying to be beautiful, but I'm lying to myself. Everything I hoped I could be and everything I ever was became the most different things in the world. I can't remember what it feels like to be normal. Not to be isolated, scrutinised, ridiculed. I don't feel anymore. There's nothing inside but a dull greyness. And when you focus on it, it begins to ache, and it aches so long it begins to hurt. And after a while, it hurts too much. But I'm dying to be beautiful, and I know I messed up. There's so much ahead but I keep looking back. I wish I could know you as much as I claim. But the thing is, nobody wants to know me. You're everything I want to be, everything I'm not. I wish I could be like you. When I grow up, I want to be just like you.

spangley @ 2005-06-15T00:00:00

2005-06-14T23:02:13Z

Singing this song tomorrow at my nana's funeral.
love it.

There You'll Be ~ Faith Hill

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

[CHORUS:]
In my dreams
I'll always see your soul
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

[Repeat chorus]

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

[Repeat chorus]

spangley @ 2005-06-12T23:00:00

2005-06-12T22:03:22Z

What's wrong with meeeeeeee?

I can't seem to write anything of any sort of standard.

Other than utter bullshit of course.

It’s 2am
And it’s cold and black.
And I’m all alone, hidden in the corner of my heart.
And I’m not afraid of the dark.
I’m afraid of this silence
Between you and I.
This deadly curse that holds us both in denial.
And I’m not afraid of the demons that lurk in my past.
I’m not afraid. I’m not.
But the future scares me.
The future alone.
The future with anyone but you.
I hate this
This awkward silence.
It deafens me.
It’s eating away at my ears.
And I loathe you
I wish on every star
For you to love me as I do you.
I breathe in every word you say,
I choke on every sentence.
I choke. And die.
I am of no use to you.
I am of no use to myself
The pain devours me.
It replaces stolen thoughts of you,
Until there is nothing but hurting,
Nothing but screaming anger.
I bleed to please you.
I bleed to ease the pain.
This crimson river – a sea of tears
Is all that is left
Of what was once a devotion so pure.
A devotion now tarnished with hatred.
With fury.
With rage.
A funeral of hearts.
Of passion.
Of infatuation.

I can't think of anything that goes. or makes sense or fits or. damn i suck.

spangley @ 2005-06-10T13:07:00

2005-06-10T12:08:42Z

I was up at seven am. why? because I suck that is why. Actually no it's not. I had dancing at 8. Yes 8am. Why? Because I don't suck and I'm gonna win these freaking comps ohyesiam.

And I bought hotass new clothes :) woo.

i love jana heehee

I don't care that I've posted twice already today.

2005-06-05T20:34:21Z

I Like

I like the way you wear your hair
I like the way you get dimples when you smile
I like the t-shirt you always wear
I like your odd socks and shoes.

I like the way your hair falls in your eyes
I like how you laugh at stupid pointless things
I like how you say frying pan
I like how you exaggerate the truth.

I like the way you stare at me when you think I’m not looking
I like the sparkle in your eye
I like the way you mimic me
I like the ring you always wear.

I like how you play with my hair when we watch TV
I like how you look when you’re bored
I like the shampoo you use
I like the way your clothes smell.

I like how you chew your pen
I like how you can’t keep a straight face
I like how you drink out of a can
I like how you sing to your mum.

I like how you sneeze when it’s dusty
I like the way you write
I like the face you pull when you’re concentrating
I like the t-shirt you wear in bed.

I like the way you play guitar
I like how you dance to the radio
I like how you run through crowds of people
I like how you despise the snow.

I like the way you hold my hand when I’m scared
I like the way you smell my hair
I like the way you kiss me in the rain
I like the way I like you.

Long awaited...

2005-06-05T20:31:58Z

Last night was fucking horrid. I got a call from the rents telling me not t go to bed (err ok) because we were gonna have to go into the hospice to see my nana. So I’m there like :/ and Matt’s there like :\ So anyway. He went home (and no Jana, we weren’t *making out*) My Dad got back about 12.30, having dropped off my mum, and we went to LOROS. Where we stayed. All night. Until about 11am. I hate it. It’s like we’re just waiting for her to die now. I can’t stand to be there. My sister cried for about 2 hours solid. And I just sat. I don’t want to be there sitting at her bedside waiting for her to die. That’s not how I want to remember her.

I can’t remember the last time I wrote a proper journal entry. The furthest back I can think is 3rd May, when Komatone played The Charlotte. Kelly forced me to go, well, she didn’t quite have to drag me kicking and screaming, but almost. And somehow she’d managed to drag Sham along too. It’ safe to say the support sucked, but Komatone were better than I remember them being. Sham was a boring fuck and went home about 10 (pathetic). I had four drinks bought for me (thanks Kelly, Dave + random guy) I haven’t hung out with Dave in forever. He used to scare me – he’s on of those freaky metalhead types, but he’s cool once you get to know him.
So after the gig finished, a few of us went Mosh, which is open mic downstairs on a Tuesday, which is always err fun. Anyway. Long story short, I met nick, walked home with him etc. He turned out to be the vainest person I have ever met.

The following Friday was Dan’s 18th. He invited SO many people, I only knew a few, and we went for a meal (which was all you can eat). He flirted the whole night with this guy called Ashley from his college. We got totally smashed at the restaurant and went back to Dan’s dads (because he was away or something). While we were waiting for taxis, who pulls up at the junction? Only the guy from Virgin. So Dan, being hammered, decided to tell him exactly how hot I think he is. I could have died. Nothing much happened after that – we went to Dan’s and drank everything in sight. I did, however, try to go to the bathroom only to find out that Dan and Ashley were in there and would be ‘done in a bit’. Nice.

The next weekend I was so ill it was disgusting. I was meant to go out with Kelly and meet some of the lads from school. I was totally gutted when I found out they went to see Dan King’s band play. Since when was Dan King in a band? They’re apparently ‘fucking awesome’ and Dan was asking where I was. FUCK. Why wasn’t I there? Dan King is, of course, the hottest mother fucker in the whole of the sixth form, despite the fact that he’s a year 12. He’s got the whole sex hair come to bed eyes thing going on. And I missed is frikkin gig. Gutted.

Nothing much else has happened, Dan and Ashley are like ‘seeing’ each other, and Matt got caught smoking weed in town by the police. He only got a caution because he admitted it, but they really should have checked his record. I swear he’s been cautioned about 5 times for it now. He was more bothered that the copper took his weed. Aaaaand I sent back my UCAS thingy, putting Nottingham as my first choice and Birmingham as the second.

Thursday 26th was the leavers mass (God squad school) and meal. The mass was actually alright. Loads of u sang, which was really cool, and there was a tonne of other cool stuff. After the mass, Leon played the film he made for us, it was so good. Mrs Fields (head teacher) going on about how are year was always standing up for what we thought was right, no matter what the consequences were, like the time me, Rory, Michelle and Leon held a massive anti-war protest in school and got on the news (HELL YAH). After that there were loads of clips of just everyone in our year just basically being themselves, and Green Day, Time Of Your Life was playing. I was in tears, my whole face was wet…even my hair was wet! And then O’Hagan (head of 6th form) said a bit about how are year had given him the best two years of his teaching life. We spent the rest of the morning taking photos and signing yearbooks.
The leaver’s meal was at the Belmont House Hotel, which is on New Walk, probably the prettiest part of town. The meal was…..ok. I was on an ok table. There was me, Kelly, Rach, Tom, Pete and Claire, Mrs Griffin, Mr Prowse and Miss Ryan (which isn’t the best, but an ok selection of teachers) and Shel. Well she had a fucking face on her all night. Whore. Stone Cat Blues (Tom, Ciaran and Kevin) played a five song set, which fucking owned. Then we had the awards. Popularity Contest. I was thinking the winners would all be the chavvy slaggy girls. But no. There were some decent people winning. And….I WON ONE!!!!
Best Male Teacher: Mr Matusiak (agreed)
Best Female Teacher: Miss Connolly (agreed)
Grumpiest Person: Nick Boyes (semi-agreed. Shel should have won it. Bitch)
Bubbliest/Loudest Person: Kirsty Goulty (definitely agreed)
Most Attractive Girl: Georgina Hayes (HOW?? She looks like she ran into a fucking wall.)
Most Attractive Boy: Rory Lane (He is a looker it has to be said)
Friendliest Girl: Jenny Antkowiak (well she is one of my closest friends. Agreed)
Friendliest Boy: David Buff (DAVE_is_god. Agreed)
Worst Worrier: Amy Howkins (agreed. Eg tea in ampleforth. Chocolate pj’s)
Most Adventurous Person (aka weirdest dresser) Kelly Sibson (agreed + <3 her)
Most Unique Person: Sarah Jelley -------ooh!
Most Likely To Be Famous Girl: Emily Bouree (agreed. For cracking fucking windows shrieking)
Most Likely To Be Famous Boy: Rory Lane (should have been Leon Dyke)
Person With The Best Hair: Michelle Charlton (agreed <3)
Person With The Nicest Smile: Vicky Scott (as much as she pisses me off. Agreed)
Strangest Person: Aaron Groom (agreed + freakiest stalker weirdo loser)
Funniest Person: Matt Marsh (agreed!)
The DJ started playing crap after that, so pretty much everyone left. The majority went to Life. But I’m not into those slaggy chavvy dancey places, so I went Fan Club wth Tom, Ciaran, Anna, Joe, Adam and Anna’s mate Liz. Twas cool. I met Claire and Rach afterwards and we went bak to Claire’s to bitch and watch movies. Until 6am.

Friday was the last music concert at school. It was ok – really emotional. A tonne of us (ok nine) did a MCR song, which sounded so fucking awesome. And I sang with Ben again. He’s so so talented – the most talented sixteen year old…ever. That was just like hmm because I fucked up my voice the night before, and I felt really bad because it was Ben’s last concert before he goes to music college in London. Which he really deserves.
After the concert I met Kelly, Joe and Rob in Bar Odyssey, and got um…drunk. I saw Sam Granger who I used to work with and like..love. He didn’t recognise me. I was gutted. But at work I always have my hair up and wear a shirt. I had my hair down and wasn’t wearing a lot. So anyways we swapped numbers. We went Mosh after and I got totally wasted. Like wankered. I have cuts everywhere and a kerzillion fag burns I don’t remember getting. Kelly left about 12.30 because she had work at 8, so there was just me and Joe. It’s no secret I used to like Joe, but I don’t anymore. Well, we ended up kissing. A lot. Oops. Then I somehow ended up with this other guy who I apparently know (?????) and Joe got in a mood and left. He text me on Saturday saying he shouldn’t have kissed me. Damn right.

I had All England qualifiers on Saturday and Sunday (for dancing). They went really well and I got through to the next round in seven out of the ten sections I was entered in. I can’t wait. I am NOT going to miss them this year.

Wow, that was long! I apologise. Lots.

*kisses*